Silver Wings
by desertwolf4
Summary: Sam/Cas. Sam, who is injured after the incident with the ghouls, is in pain and thinking about a certain angel. What will happen when Sam confronts Castiel as best he can in his current condition.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** I have come to the decision that there needs to be more love for this pairing! Why? Because it's cute and sweet. Anyways, I wrote this for my good friend on dA who got me into Sam/Cas. Hope you enjoy it.

**Supernatural and all the characters belong to Eric Kripke. If I owned them...there would be lots of slash...**

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It was something that Sam did not realize how much he needed, something that his heart and soul ached for, until the opportunity presented itself. Yet in the back of his mind, it was off limits, forbidden to him by the one person who he cared about more than anything, his brother. So Sam had resigned himself to remain silent, uncomfortable content to sit and watch as Dean would talk with the angel. The angel that Sam was almost positive would heal the gaping wound in his chest.

For a while he would wonder what Dean thought about his strange and unnatural silence every time the angel came into the room. Though, his brother probably thought that was only because of Sam's apparent disappointment with angels not being creatures of entire goodness that they were not, in fact, above letting people die. Perhaps Dean thought that it was because Sam resented Castiel for saving while Castiel could not do anything for himself, unable to rid Sam of the damned demon blood running through his veins. If only Dean knew the Truth, knew what thoughts ran through his mind, the thought that Sam kept hidden and secret.

But a part of him did resent Castiel, even hate him despite everything that the angel had done for them, and the reason was more complex than Dean could possibly imagine. Jealousy would flair up in the pit of Sam's stomach when he saw Dean and Castiel, and Sam hated himself for it, feeling like the pathetic little brother once again. Sam wished that he were the one that Castiel noticed, that Castiel fought so hard to protect, but he wasn't, he would never be. Sam wasn't 'important' to the angels, and, in his mind, that meant he wasn't important to Castiel. It wasn't fair, Sam was cursed, as he had been since birth, and now there was nothing he could do about it, nothing anyone could do for him.

At the present moment, the younger Winchester was glad that he could only hear Dean and Castiel talking as he lay on his stomach on the bed, his wrists wrapped up in bandages that did not stop the throbbing pain that radiated from them. Damn the ghoul, damn the two of them for sitting there and talking while Sam was forcing back the desire to grab the nearest bottle of alcohol and drain it dry. The talking stopped, and Sam heard the sound of the door being opened and closed, before he sat up and glanced around. He came face to face with Castiel and a frown formed on his lips. "Where's Dean?"

"He went out to get you something for the pain," the angel said simply, straightforward, studying him with a curious and concerned gaze. Those eyes…Sam couldn't meet the angel's gaze, and he glanced away. "Is something wrong?"

"Let's see besides nearly being eaten alive by ghouls or dying from blood loss? Nope nothing is wrong," Sam said, sarcasm dripping from every word he spoke, still unable to meet the angel's gaze. "Is there something you want Castiel or are you waiting for dear Dean to get back?" There was more of a bite to Sam's voice than he had expected to come out.

A frown graced the angel's lips, but Sam didn't see it, he didn't care. "I was…concerned for you." As a hand was placed on his shoulder, Sam glanced at the fingers, his eyes slowly traveling up Castiel's hand, to his arm, his shoulder, his neck, and finally his face. "You have been acting very strange."

"Strange is a relevant term now a days," Sam said, shrugging Castiel's hand from his shoulder, shifting his position on the bed. His mind was screaming at him, of course he was acting weird, acting strange, was Castiel just stating the obvious or did he mean something else. "I'll ask again, is there something you want Castiel?"

"Why do you not call me Cas anymore?"

The question hit Sam like a ton of bricks and he visibly winced. "Because you are an angel sent to protect Dean and stop the apocalypse from happening, not a friend. A nickname is something that you give a friend."

There was silence for a moment, and then Sam felt the hand back on his shoulder, gripping him. "Look at me Sam," the angel said in such a forceful tone, that Sam felt as though if he didn't something bad would happen. Sam met Castiel's piercing gaze, and suddenly felt very small and very helpless. "Is that what this is about? You think I am here for Dean and only him? You _both _are under my protection whether or not you like it. Now listen to me and listen very closely Sam Winchester. There is nothing I can do to prevent what is going to happen to you, it is your destiny, if it was in my power to help you I would, and I would do so in a heart beat." Sam flinched as Castiel's grip on his shoulder tightened again. "You are important, you are. Not just to us, but to Dean, your family."

Sam pulled away from Castiel and backed away from him, kneeling on the bed, glaring at the angel with an accusatory stare. "Don't give me that crap Castiel. If I was so important to you and your so called cause, you would have killed me by now if you were smart! You don't think I know that's what you all think? It is, I swear it is. You want me dead just like everyone else. I am no better than the things I hunt and kill," Sam snapped at the angel and shook his head. "I can't stop it, it's always there," Sam said in a low voice, his gaze turning to his wrists, the bandages wet with blood again. "Why can't you just leave me alone Castiel? Huh? Why not? Why not just associate with Dean? Or have you not noticed I've been trying my hardest to avoid you?"

"I have noticed."

"Then take a hint!"

"You're bleeding."

"I know that."

"Let me see your wrists."

"No."

"I can make you, you do realize."

"I'd like to see you try." The instant the words left his mouth, Sam realized it was the wrong thing to say to someone who could easily over power him. In the blink of an eye, Sam was shoved up against the headboard, Castiel in front of him, pining him there. He met the angel's gaze his heart beating faster and faster. "Let me go," he hissed at Castiel, struggling to break the angel's hold on his shoulders.

Castiel just looked at him, tilting his head, as one hand picked up Sam's right wrist. Sam tried to pull away again, only to have Castiel's grip become tighter again. He could only watch as Castiel gently unwrapped his wrist, studied the crudely stitched up wound. A shiver passed through Sam's body as Castiel brought the wound to his lips very lightly kissing it. "If I could, I would heal the wounds that mare your skin because I know they cause you pain. If I could I would drain the demonic blood from your body, to save you from yourself. I would do anything to help you Sam." The angel's fingers traveled from Sam's bloody wrist to his face touching his cheek softly. "With all my heart, I would do anything to save you, to be the savior deserve, but I can't Sam."

Sam closed his eyes, leaning his cheek into the soft touch, trying to stop the tears that threatened to fall. It felt as though everything was crumbling and falling apart into a million little pieces that he wouldn't be able to pick up. "But, I can be the one you need." Before Sam could ask him what he meant, he felt Castiel's lips brush lightly against his. "I see the jealousy that hides in your eyes, the hurt the resides there as well. You fight so hard to protect people." Sam opened his eyes, meeting Castiel's hard gaze. "You fight so hard, expecting nothing in return. You are important. You are special. I protect you as much as I do Dean, even if you cannot see it." Sam glanced down. "Sam…?"

"It hurts," Sam whispered, eyes still downcast. "Cas, I don't." A finger was pressed to his lips, silencing Sam's words.

"The pain will end Sam, you need rest. Lay down, and go to sleep," Cas said in a softer tone, but still commanding, the angel's fingers quickly re-bandaging Sam's wrist. Sam opened his mouth to say 'but,' but Cas shook his head. "Sleep now, talk more later." Sam's eyes grew heavy as the angel lie him on the bed. Sam remembered seeing Castiel's face, his eyes, before he slipped off to sleep.

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**Not entirely sure if I got Castiel down right...but oh well**

**Reviews are appreciated.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **This one ended up being a bit shorter than the first chapter, but I wasn't sure what to write for it. Anyways here's the next one!

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Sam's eyes opened several hours later to the sounds of gunfire. Under any other circumstance, he would have jumped right from bed, ready to engage in a fight, but Sam could tell that the gunfire wasn't in the room. It was too quiet, and as he gazed lazily towards the TV saw whatever movie Dean had left, and picked up the lingering smell of cheeseburgers. How long had he been asleep? Sam rubbed at his eyes as he sat up, glancing around. Dean was asleep in his own bed, and the angel was nowhere to be found. Sam found the remote and shut off the tv. His body ached as he forced himself to stand and, after grabbing something to wear after his shower, made his way into the bathroom, turning on the water to hot. His fingers brushed over his lips, wondering if the soft kiss Cas had given him was nothing more than a dream. Sam hoped that it wasn't as he took off his clothes and unwrapped his wounded wrists.

He flinched at the sight, the cuts were caked in blood, and Sam realized that the shower could turn out to be…something of a painful experience, but he went in anyways. Sam groaned when the hot water hit his cuts, the dry blood turning the water red as it dripped to the floor of the shower. It stung, and burned like hell, though however much it hurt, Sam knew that he had to keep them clean or the whole situation would just turn worse. Allowing himself to stand there for a couple of second, he imagined the water washing away all his pain and fears as he began to wash up.

When he was done, he got out of the shower; towel wrapped around his waist and instantly cursed himself. He should have woken Dean up before he got in, then at least he would have some help with his wrists. His eyes dropped to the towel at his waist, the fabric becoming stained. What must the people who cleaned the rooms (if they were cleaned) must think of bloody towels? "Do you require assistance?" Sam jumped, his eyes snapping up to met Cas's gaze, the angel studying him with a bit of curiosity in his eyes.

"I, yeah if you don't mind," Sam said and watched as Cas left the room. Sam took the opportunity to pull on some clothes, at least a pair of underwear and pants. When the angel returned with bandages in his hands, Sam was sitting on the toilet, a towel under his wrists. "Thanks," he said softly as Cas knelt in front of him, gingerly taking one of his wrists.

"There is no need to thank me Sam," Cas replied as he began to treat and bandage Sam's wounds. The whole time they were silent, neither one saying anything to the other. "I need to ask for your forgiveness Sam, I was… Out of line earlier. It was not my place," Cas said as he sat up, his hand touching Sam's cheek. "It was not my place to place my lips against yours and kiss you."

Sam looked into his eyes confused and worried about what the angel could possibly say next. Little thoughts were beginning to sneak into his mind, telling him that it would all be for the best if he let Castiel go, it would protect him from any harm that could possibly come to the angel from the small action. His fingers touched Cas's hand, the one that rested on his cheek. "Cas, we shouldn't. You'll get in trouble," he said softly, but in a rushed voice. He wanted to get it over with, just say what he had to. "They could… I don't want anything to hurt you."

"Sam…"

"No Castiel, I just. I couldn't bare it if you were hurt because of me, because of us. Please just. Can we just forget that it ever happened?" The frown that formed on Castiel's lips nearly broke Sam's heart, no it did break Sam's heart. "I need help, but…but not what you are offering to me."

"Sam… Look at me." This time when he spoke Castiel's voice was softer, gentler and Sam glanced up at him. "If anything happens to me, it is not your fault. This is of my own free will. You are not to blame yourself if anything happens." Sam gave a small tentative nod, glancing down slightly. "You are still upset, confused, and afraid. Your eyes tell me so much, say so much that you yourself are unwilling to admit." Cas gently tilted Sam's head up towards him. There was a silence between them as they just watched each other. "I have to leave."

"Don't you always?" Sam said softly, glancing away from him. It didn't surprise him that Cas had to leave; the angel always had something that he had to do that came first above everything else.

"I will come back later Sam."

"I know…"

"Don't cry anymore Sam, you have no reason too," Castiel said softly, and as soon as he had appeared he was gone, leaving Sam alone to his thoughts.

For a while Sam stayed in the bathroom, before he got back up, and crawled back into bed. There was still several hours before Dean would wake up, and Sam just wanted to sleep again, he thought that if he slept, then he wouldn't have to face reality when he woke up again. And he prayed that Dean would never find out about the gentle kiss that Sam had shared with the angel, Sam was sure that Dean would not approve.

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**Reviews are loved!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** Here's a new chapter for all of you my lovely readers! I'm not going to lie...I had a bit of a hard time trying to write this chapter. But I hope you all like it.

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The fact that Castiel did not return when he woke up tore at Sam's heart, even more so when the angel seemed to vanish for the remainder of the week. With all that time alone, Sam's mind began to wander away from the present and onto a more logical and, if anything, a self hating line of thought. A small part of him began to wonder if it was too dangerous for him to actually care about anyone, and the people he cared about all seemed to die, with the exception of Dean who came back because of Castiel. And Dean…Dean was Castiel's top priority, not Sam. Where that thought had come from, Sam did not know, but he was beginning to believe that it was true.

His wrists had, for the most part, healed and all that remained were the scars from where they had been cut, and once Dean had been satisfied that Sam could leave the motel without someone thinking he needed to be locked up in a psych ward, they left. Sam stared out the window of the Impala, quiet, just listening to Dean's music as they drove because he did not want to think about anything, he didn't want to talk to his brother. Unfortunately it seemed Dean had other plans.

The music stopped, and Sam blinked in surprise, Dean never turned off the music, not while they were driving. He glanced over at his brother who for an instant met his gaze. "Alright Sam, talk. You've doing the whole silent and sulking thing for too long. Something is bothering you."

Sam felt his heart begin to race with mild panic. What the hell could he possibly say that Dean would accept as an acceptable answer to the question? There was a long silence between them before he let out a soft sign. "Worried Dean, Cas hasn't appeared in a while. I mean yeah he'll leave for days on end, but it just seems like it has been longer than usual."

His answer worked because as Sam watched Dean's grip on the steering wheel tightened until his knuckles turned white. "I'm sure he's fine Sammy. Hell the guy's an 'angel of the lord' just how much trouble could he possibly be in?" There was another pause. "How about your wrists?"

"They're fine Dean. Look I'm gonna take a nap, wake me when you stop?" Sam said looking at Dean.

"Sleep tight princess."

Sam rolled his eyes and turned his back to Dean in the seat, closing his eyes. He willed himself to fall asleep, to escape the daylight and drift off into the darkness that he wanted to welcome so desperately of sleep. He hadn't been sleeping well either, nightmares of when Jessica, his mom, his dad, and even Dean had all died, and they weren't stopping. At all. Each and every night they came and haunted him. Sam hoped that the sun would keep the nightmares at bay.

Sam's eyes snapped open, his chest heaving, and sweat clinging to his brow as he glanced around. The Impala was parked outside of a gas station and Sam could just make out Dean's figure in the window, either buying food or paying for gas, something of the sorts. He squinted against the sun as he watched Dean leave the building and get back into the car. Sam got comfy again as Dean started the Impala, and they began to drive again.

"Sleep well Sammy?"

Sam shrugged. "I guess, could have been better. After all, I was sleeping while you were driving."

"I'm not a bad driver Sam."

"No, but driver chooses the music, and your music isn't exactly easy to sleep through," Sam said, glancing over at Dean who shot him a look. "Well it's true."

"Keep it up Sam and I won't let you have the first shower," Dean snapped as he pulled into the parking lot of the newest motel they were to stay at. The car was parked and the brothers went into the office to check in.

The woman behind the counter asked if they wanted a room with one bed, and Sam forced back a laugh at the look on Dean's face as he informed her otherwise. Sam was still attempting to conceal his laugh from his brother even as they entered the room. In a matter of seconds, the bathroom door was slammed shut as Dean claimed it just moments before Sam would have. Of course, even though Dean had threatened it, he wasn't sure that he would actually steal the first shower.

Sam took the time alone to lie down on the bed and stare at the ceiling. His thoughts began to wander again, to the unpleasant ones reminding him that there was a great chance that to Cas, he was only second best to Dean. And he was beginning to hate himself for thinking that way for thinking that…

"Sam?"

At the sudden sound of Cas's voice saying his name, Sam nearly fell off the bed, but kept himself from falling in a rather undignified manner. When he looked up, Sam saw the slightly amused look on the angel's face just before he glanced away from him. It had been a while since the angel had appeared to either one of them, and Sam was tempted to yell at the angel, to snap at him for leaving them in such a way. But he didn't, he said nothing as he slowly looked up and met Cas's gaze again.

"Long time no see Cas," Sam managed to say without any trace of anger in his voice. "Where have you been?"

"I have been busy and that has, regretfully, kept me away from helping you and your brother," Cas explained, his hands in the pockets of the trench coat, and didn't take a step towards Sam. "You are upset with me." It was more of a statement than a question, but Sam said nothing. "I did not want to leave Sam, but I had to, I had no other option."

"Of course you didn't," Sam snapped, his arms folded over his chest, in a defensive pose.

"I understand that you are angry with me Sam, but I-"

"I don't want to hear it," Sam finally said, interrupting Cas, glaring at the angel. His stomach was churning, becoming uneasy and making him feel sick to his stomach. "Is there something that you wanted to talk to us about Castiel?" Sam rarely used the angel's full name, he preferred to use Cas, however…Sam was annoyed enough right now that his preference didn't matter.

Cas studied Sam with an ounce of concern laced throughout his stunning blue eyes. "You are not well. Should I get Dean?" The only response that came from Sam was a frustrated sigh as he lay back down on the bed. Sam knew he was probably confusing Castiel to no end, but Sam did not care one bit about that. The sound of Castiel's footsteps on the floor as he went towards the bathroom reached Sam's ears and he fought the urge to hold a pillow over his head. "Your assumption about where you stand is wrong Sam."

That alone made Sam pause and he wanted to look over at the angel, but it was too late, the door to the bathroom was open just far enough so Cas could talk to Dean. Soon, his brother and the angel would ask him questions, and that was something that Sam was no looking forward too. It was never fun because it usually meant that it was them verses Sam and he would once again feel cornered. Sam just kept telling himself that the sooner they got it over with, the sooner he could shower, eat, and hopefully sleep.

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**Reviews are loved!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** I finally finished chapter four! I hope you all like it and sorry it took so long to update.

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If Sam had expected Dean to yell his head off then storm off dramatically, the reaction from his older brother that came from Cas telling Dean he didn't think Sam was feeling well was the exact opposite. The talk that he had been dreading with his brother didn't happen; instead Dean had told Cas to watch after him and left the room entirely. Whether or not it was a way for Dean to think, or he was going to get something to help Sam feel better, Sam had no idea what Dean was up to? Nor did he particularly care at the current moment because it meant that he was able to avoid the dreaded talk with his brother.

Sam and Cas sat in an awkward silence so thick that it could be cut with a knife. Sam could feel the blue eyes staring at him, but he didn't look up, nor did he want to see what possible emotions were in his eyes. "Sam, talk to me," Cas said sitting down beside Sam, his hand resting on Sam's knee.

"What did you mean by… I shouldn't assume anything about where I stand with you?" Sam asked in a quiet voice, glancing at Cas through his bangs. "You're an angel, you're suppose to care about us. You favor Dean."

"Dean is important to the angels," Cas told him, and frowned when Sam flinched away from his touch. "They need him Sam, but you. You are important to me." Cas put his hand on Sam's cheek and turned his head forcing Sam to look into his eyes. "And yes your brother is too. Does that matter? No. You need to stop thinking the worst, thinking that you deserve nothing when you deserve so much more than life has given you Sam."

As Sam rolled his eyes and moved away from Cas, sitting on the end of the bed, his legs tucked beneath him, staring into the mirror. He could see Cas looking at him, and watched as the angel once again moved to sit beside him. Cas placed a hand on Sam's shoulder, concern swimming in his blue eyes. "Talk to me Sam… I cannot help you if I don't know what you are feeling. How could I possibly know how to help if you do not talk to me?"

"I don't want to talk Cas," Sam said, pulling his shoulder away from Castiel's hand. It was a complete lie; Sam did want to talk, just not to Dean…or Cas. Hell, he was realizing that it was the angel who he needed to talk to more than anyone, but it was about Cas, the reason why he needed to talk to someone.

"You say that, but from what I can see Sam, it is not what you mean," Castiel said placing his hand back on Sam's shoulder and giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

"What do you want from me Castiel?" Sam asked pulling away from the angel as he stood up, facing him. He towered over Cas where he sat on the bed, a mixture of confusion and concern in his blue eyes. "I'm trying here I really am. I want to talk but I just can't! Why don't you understand that?" Cas said nothing. Sam looked at Cas for a moment, then sighed and looked down. "I shouldn't have snapped like that… You're only trying to help."

"Why would I try and help you Sam?"

"Because I am as important as Dean is in your eyes, whether or not the rest of the angels see that or not does not matter."

"And?"

"And I need to stop second-guessing everything?"

"Especially yourself Sam. You should not put yourself down in such a way, it creates a weak point that others can use to their advantage."

"Like you?"

Castiel gave him a grin and shook his head. "I would not do that Sam, you should know that."

Sam looked at Castiel, just watching him for a moment. He wondered if it was possible that Castiel did care the way he seemed to imply he did. The next thing Sam knew, there was a pair of arms wrapped around him holding him close. The protective and caring embrace allowed Sam to relax into the angel's arms. Sam rested his head on Castiel's shoulder. "If you tell me to sleep I swear I'll hit you," Sam muttered, earning a soft chuckle from Castiel.

"Then I won't tell you to," Castiel said in a soft voice, letting his fingers run through Sam's hair in a comforting, soothing gesture. It did soothe Sam, relaxed him to a point where his muscles were no longer tense. "Feeling better Sam?"

Sam looked at him, and gave a small nod of his head, before he went back to using Castiel's shoulder as a pillow. "Still not going to talk…" Sam mumbled, rather comfortable and unwilling to move from the current position that he was in. In Castiel's arms he felt warm and safe.

"You do not have to talk right now, but eventually promise me that you will when you are ready," Castiel said, still stroking Sam's hair. "Can you do that?"

"I promise."

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Several hours later, Castiel was gone and Sam was alone, waiting for Dean to return from wherever he had gone. The door to the motel room opened and Sam looked up to see his big brother walk in, a bag in his hand with what smelled like food. "Long line for bacon cheeseburger?" Sam asked looking up from his laptop to meet Dean's gaze.

"Went for a drive," Dean said and placed the bag on the bed. It smelled like bacon cheeseburger. "Then got food."

"Please tell me there's something other than the cheeseburger in there," Sam asked pushing himself up into a sitting position. A grin formed on his face when Dean pulled out fries. "Can I have those?"

"Don't know, you sure they're not too fatty for you?"

"Shut up and hand over the fries Dean," Sam snapped holding out his hand for the fries which Dean eventually handed over. "Thanks."

"So what's up with you? Cas said you haven't been feeling well," Dean asked as he took out his burger and began to eat.

Sam paused; fry half way to his mouth before he lowered it, staring at the ground with a fixed gaze, concerned. There was no way that he was about to tell Dean that the kiss Cas had gave him had been screwing with his head, but what would be an acceptable answer that he could give his brother, one that he would believe. "Nightmares, been getting them again, keeping me awake at night, haven't been sleeping well."

There was a silence for a moment in which Sam thought that Dean hadn't fallen for the lie, when he heard a sigh come from his brother. "That would explain it. You don't appear to do well without sleep," Dean said with a light shrug. "Why haven't you told me about them?"

"Didn't want to worry you," Sam said simply with a light shrug of his shoulders. "Though you'll probably say that I should have told you right?"

"Yeah, you should have told me Sam," Dean sighed and shook his head. "Look if you want to talk about them all you have to do is say so."

"I'll keep that in mind," Sam said as he popped a fry into his mouth. "Lazy night tonight? Beers and movie?"

"If there's something good on TV yeah," Dean said before taking another bite of his burger as he stood up moving over to one of the two beds. "If Cas were here I'd offer him to join- " Before Dean could finish his sentence, Castiel appeared behind him, causing Dean to jump. "Damn it Cas how many times have I told you not to do that!"

Sam laughed as Cas gave Dean a confused look. "Forgive me, I simply came to check on you both…"

"It's fine… Hey we were gonna watch a movie, drink some beer, you know low key night. Care to join us?" Dean asked getting comfy on his bed.

"I do not see why not," Cas replied as he took a seat in the chair.

Sam got onto the bed and reached for the remote, his hand coming directly in contact with the wood of the nightstand that separated the two beds. Dean had gotten it before him. It meant that they would probably end up watching some action movie or something with hot, sexy girls in it. Sam didn't care, he'd probably end up falling asleep or Dean would and Sam would be able to change the channel. Either way Sam was just happy that he would be able to relax that night.

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**Reviews are loved!**


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